Emotions impact cognitive ability in every situation as a rule. Of all emotions, anger plays a big role in impacting amicable legal dispute resolution.
Anger is an inevitable part of any conflict. In a divorce, it can escalate matters out of control and make it difficult to come to a mutually beneficial understanding between both parties. This can impact the future of not just the adults involved, but also the children.
In all fairness, it is pointless to prolong mutual accusation before the mediator. The main role of the mediator is to hear out both parties, understand both cases individually, and use the arguments to evaluate and settle the case. If each party rigidly believe that they are right and the other is wrong or unreasonable, settling the dispute becomes a challenge for both parties.
The question is, should anger, then be suppressed or should it be expressed? To understand this, it is first important to understand the source of common types of emotions and the role of attribution.
Aggression
People who are aggressive by nature tend to elicit aggressive responses in a conflict. They are quick to blame others when things don’t go their way. Neuroscientists say that the blame providers get a sense of temporary empowerment when they accuse others and victimize themselves. They tend to be rather unpredictable too. Hence, this approach to conflict will vary in proportion with the intensity of the anger evoked.
Anxiety
Those who are anxious tend to blame others for their anxiety. Anxiety usually comes from the need to control one’s environment, say experts. When anxiety is coupled with blame, it turns into anger or resentment. In mediation, the anxious party may develop resentment at the thought of being manipulated or controlled during the business or personal relationship.
Fear
Fear stems from the thought of financial disaster, inadequacy or inability to control the outcome of the given situation.
Attribution
Misperception through the opposing party’s behaviour through speech or action can often turn into hostility and anger, especially in those who are inherently aggressive. A skillful mediator will assist in dealing with the circumstances that triggered the misperception and attempt to provide a resolution.
It is important to understand the sources of the negative emotions to resolve the dispute amicably or they become an obstacle to settlement. High strung individuals are less likely to make decisions that serve their own interests and not just the opposing party’s goals. Even subtle forms of anger or repressed emotions can impair reasoning, makes the mind more rigid and obscure alternative perspectives. Here are a few things to consider for amicable resolution:
- It is important to manage your anger before the ball drops.
- Stick to the facts at all times.
- Learn how to use assertive language instead of passive aggressive or blatantly aggressive tones.
- Assertive, factual communication earns respect, cooperation and a constructive resolution.
- Speak firmly with a relaxed voice while being receptive to the feelings of the other party’s needs, wishes and opinions.
- Be aware of how trauma can affect the brain, and try to move beyond past challenges to find ways for a more amicable mutually beneficial future.
- In a divorce, try not to look at the past to justify your actions. Look at the future and plan that instead, such as co-parenting.
- Be realistic in your approach, specific and factual.
- Learn to choose your battles, and avoid fighting fire with fire.
- Choose experienced mediators to represent you to help you reach your goals sooner than later.
The Resolution Alternative – Best Mediation in Toronto
Going through a divorce or separation? Get a divorce mediator from The Resolution Alternative to help ease your stress and anxiety. We are especially vigilant about power imbalances, or mistreatment of one person by the other. Call us for further discussions.
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